i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
