It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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