They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
