There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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