Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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