Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
