Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
