I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
