If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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