you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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