What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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