the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
