Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
