we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
