I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
