so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize
