are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
