she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
there is glitter all over my balls
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
