I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
