mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
