No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
