Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
wow bdsm is so cute
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
