I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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