we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
