the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
