I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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