I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
