i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
