I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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