Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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