Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
