she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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