why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
