I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
