i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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