She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
