You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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