you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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