this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
