TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
