Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
