i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
