In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
