Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
