giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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