Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize