when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
