i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Congratulations! We have a period
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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