This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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