He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
