dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
