i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
