Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
