you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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