My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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