On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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