When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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