I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
