Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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