I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
